How do you spend a quarter of a billion dollars on a film and create a total crapfest? You put all the money in the effects, ignore the story, and possibly encourage the actors to give their worst performances of a popular franchise. That is what happened with Spider-Man 3. Did George Lucas secretly write this thing?

I loved the visual effects – well except for the super-fast sequences when the Green Goblin was battling Spidey. Not only did their faces looked superimposed on the CGI bodies, but the outrageous speeds had no affect on the actors at all. There was no tell-tale rippling of facial skin, there was no squinting from the wind velocity, and the most telling… not one hair on their heads so much as wiggled. The Sandman stuff was pretty cool, but a quarter of a billion dollars cool – not really.

The pacing of the film was painful. There was 20 minutes of sappy story, followed by 5 minutes of Aunt May being profoundly prophetic, and then a 3 minute action sequence. (Repeat that sequence over and over for what seemed like 6 hours and you have Spider-Man 3.) The action was cool enough to keep you watching the film, but the story breaks in the middle were like needles to the eyeball.

As superhero movies go, this one is only slightly better than Daredevil, Elektra, or Punisher. As Spider-Man movies go… this was is clearly the bottom of the barrel.

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The absolute worst part of the film had to be the “bad boy” Peter Parker. I am surprised the NAACP isn’t up in arms about this one. When Peter put on the “black” suit, he transformed how he looked at behaved. His hair became messy, he walked with a coolness that looked like a parody of Shaft, he suddenly was very good at jazz piano, he treated his woman bad and in fact bitch-slapped MJ, oh and the whole being selfish and mean thing. Once you go black…

RATING 5 out of 10