I am having a crisis of faith in my fellow man and was hoping you folks could give me a little feedback.
Is everyone truly out for themselves? Does anyone do things because it’s the right thing to do anymore? Did they ever? Sure, you don’t rob liquor stores (or do you? haha) but do you choose not to because its the right thing to do, or because the consequences to you in breaking that law are painful? When no one is around do you drop a gum wrapper on the ground? Is it because you think that polluting the environment is wrong or because you’d hate to be seen littering (social stigma) or tickets (financial consequences?)
The reason I ask is because I am get fed up with people who tell me they want to help me. We have all seen this… people who jump at the opportunity to help out when they have something to gain… but are no where to be found if they don’t benefit.
What is human nature? Are we good or are we selfish? Is life a struggle to get ahead no matter who you have to step on, or is doing good good enough?
Will you comment here to add to the discussion and assist myself and others in analyzing one of life’s biggest mysteries? Or instead – will you comment so you can look smart? Or worse – not comment at all because there is nothing in it for you?
I know plenty of people who do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. Now, for those who say they will help, but then it does not materialize, perhaps some of those situations simply reflect the person overextending themselves. I struggle with that on a regular basis, and I hope most of the time I really do what I say I am going to do!
I’ll be completely honest. I’ve probably been on both sides of this for reasons I’ll explain. I feel like I always try to do things for the right reasons, but I know I’m far from perfect. I’m always willing to help out and volunteer my time, talent etc.. and look for nothing in return. But there have been times where I feel like being a nice guy has hurt me. There is a certain friend of my brother’s. This person ran for a political race and as a favor to my brother, I designed her business cards, campaign signs, brochures etc.. because she needed them done and didn’t have the budget to hire a designer. So instead of letting her or a family member design her campaign materials in word, my brother asked if I’d mind, and I said of course not as long as I’m not busy. So I did that no charge and I’ve done a few other favors, but a few months back, she was part of the boosters of an athletic team at one of the schools for her child. She told the other booster members about me because they were going to cut paste and photocopy the programs. So they approached me about designing them and thats when I felt like I was kind of being taken advantage of. They were charging for ads in the program, going to charge for the program, pay someone to print the program but wanted me to design a 50-page color program for free. So I said I would get back to them. I thought about it and emailed back saying I would give them a huge discount on my hourly graphic design rate and design it for them for $250. I felt like with the quality they were getting back and in the time frame they needed it in, I was giving them a great deal, and really, I was going to be making nothing for the amount of billable hours it would take up. They shot that down almost immediately and went ahead and photocopied it. They ended up not making much of an investment and came out with a crap product, which in turn didn’t sell much and had a bunch of angry parents and advertisers. That’s not the only time where I felt being a nice guy has been taken advantage of. I have taken on several contract webdesign, graphic design and copywriting jobs and some of them for pretty big clients and events. They decided to use my work but not pay me a dime. One of them, a boxing promoter for a well-publicized fight on ESPN, told me I should have been happy that my work, including the fight banner and program, was seen by so many people. Sure, maybe if it had my name, website or something on it. I guess a lot of that was me being naive and believing people when they said I would get paid when the job was completed or the event was over. So now, I’m a little less naive and when I take contract work, if it’s not for people I trust, I request payment along the way for work I have done up to a certain point and they don’t receive a complete product until I have been paid in full. I feel like maybe that’s affected who I am a bit in that sometimes I ask the same question you did above. The answer is that there are a lot of both types, the types that don’t rob a liquor store because it’s not right and some that don’t because of the consequences and there are probably an equal amount in a gray area in between. I try to surround myself with the people that don’t for the right reasons and I’m happy to say that I have a lot of really good people in my circle. Anyway, that was probably a much longer response than you were looking for.
I am with you Steve… we all know countless excellent people. The question was more one of basic human nature. I have always felt that man, in general, is good. I have friends (good people) who believe that man, in general, is selfish, greedy, and mean.
At the time I was writing this post, I was seeing more and more cases pointing toward man as not good. The good news is that it hasn’t shaken my basic beliefs. Just wondering what others believed.
Michael, no worries on the length – it takes what it takes to make your point, and you did a good job of that.
I have found myself in similar situations, one of which was the reason for the post. It is sad to me that you can do things for the right reasons – to help someone, etc. and often that is overlooked or discounted.
I do think it is human nature to overlook the things that work well and focus on the ones that cause pain… because of this helpful people are often not publicly acknowledged, thanked, or even paid.
I learned after my company took a downturn following 9/11 that there were people giving lip service to being my friend and people who would take a bullet for me. My best friend from my college days, Davad Sneed, is one of those that would take a bullet – well, at least if I caught fire, he would knock me over and stomp it out – haha.
I also learned that it is easy to overlook pretenders when things are going great.
My philosophy now is to give people the benefit of the doubt and take them at their word, but make sure to protect myself. Ronald Reagan used to say, “Trust but verify.”
It’s a sure thing in life that people will always let you down. On the bright side it makes it all the more sweeter when someone does something right! I have *few* people in my life whom I trust and consider close friends. They have disappointed me from time to time. I’m comforted in knowing those same people will be there for me when the ca-ca hits the fan. I hope they feel the same way about me.