As many of you know, from time to time, I post entries from my journal back in college. It covers a lot of what happened in the area of dating, sports, some world affairs – just general stuff of interest to a dude making his way in college. (ie mostly girls)
Something interesting happened tonight when talking to an old girlfriend (not sure if that is really the right term – but I know I definitely had a thing for her – that’s all I am saying and you’ll see why.)
We got back in touch recently via facebook and were talking about things “back in the day.” One thing led to another and I remembered those series of blog entries. Sure enough, I did a search on her name and found at least 15 posts which mentioned her. I started reading through them and suddenly realized that some of it was very revealing of my feelings at the time. As posts to random people in cyberspace, I could care less that they knew what was going on back in college – but in the context of one of the involved parties now able to read my attitude toward her, feelings I had kept to myself, and things that happened without her knowledge – it was a bit scary.
Would this information change her perception of the events of the past? Most likely. Would it be for the better? Who knows. Was it right to put that out there and risk causing her pain in reading? I don’t think the truth is wrong, but would never want to hurt her. Would she just find it hilarious that I was such a dork and so insanely immature? I hope so.
I told her on the phone that I am going to rush out and delete the posts, but I knew I wasn’t. It is an interesting dilemma, but despite the fact that I was indeed a boorish, self-centered, cocky jerk at times in college – I just hope that the underlying “good guy” in me can be seen through the immaturity.
I am not sure the outcome or if she will even bother to go out and read the stuff, but the good thing to come from it is that it has reminded me to keep posting those entries. I will restart when I get back to San Marcos.