Riding with the window down…

Upon discovering a scorpion in the bathtub of our new house this morning, I was reminded of a poem that absolutely enthralled me as a child of about 7 or 8. The piece, called “Hell in Texas” was in a book of poetry that my mom kept around the house and has stuck with me to this day.

We had recently moved to Texas from Minnesota and for a wide-eyed kid to find himself smack dab in the middle on the biggest of the big places in the world - Texas, was amazing. I instantly fell in love with the larger-than-life characters of Texas history as well as the rugged, individualistic swagger that said (without a word) - Texan!

When I discovered the poem, I read it over and over until I had it memorized. This is the only poem in my life I have ever memorized. It just meant that much to me. Without further prefacing, let me post it:

Hell in Texas

The Devil, we’re told, in hell was chained,
and a thousand years he there remained,
and he never complained, nor did he groan,
but determined to start a Hell of his own
where he could torment the souls of men
without being chained to a prison pen.

So he asked the Lord if he had on hand
anything left when he made the land.
The Lord said, “yes, i had plenty on hand,
but i left it down on the Rio Grande.
The fact is, old boy, the stuff is so poor,
i don’t think you can use it in Hell anymore.”

But the Devil went down to look at the truck,
and said if it came as a gift, he was stuck;
for after examining it careful and well
he concluded the place was too dry for hell.
So in order to get it off his hands
God promised the Devil to water the lands.

For he had some water, or rather some dregs,
a regular cathartic that smelt like bad eggs.
Hence the deal was closed and the deed was given,
and the Lord went back to his place in Heaven,
and the Devil said, “I have all that is needed
to make a good Hell.” And thus he succeeded.

He began to put thorns on all the trees,
and he mixed the sand with millions of fleas,
he scattered tarantulas along all the roads,
put thorns on the cacti and horns on the toads;
he lengthened the horns of the Texas steers
and put an addition on jack rabbit’s ears.

He put little devils in the bronco steed
and poisoned the feet of the centipede.
The rattlesnake bites you, the scorpion stings,
the mosquito delights you by buzzing his wings.
The sand burrs prevail, so do the ants,
and those that sit down need half soles on their pants.

The Devil then said that throughout the land
he’d manage to keep up the Devil’s own brand,
and all would be mavericks unless they bore
the marks and scratches and bites by the score.
The heat in the summer is a hundred and ten,
too hot for the devil and too hot for men.

The wild boar roams through the black chaparral,
it’s a Hell of a place he has for Hell;
the red pepper grows by the bank of the brook,
the Mexicans use it in all that they cook.
Just dine with a greaser and then you will shout,
“I’ve a Hell on the inside as well as without.”

Thank you Mom for having the book in the first place and for instilling in me a love of reading, thank you Dawn for the conversation this morning that reminded me of this lost gem, and thank you Hap for doing the legwork to track it down and send it to me.

Most of all - thank YOU for reading.

I am not sure how I should feel about this? Wasn’t there something in the Constitution about separation of Church and Wal-Mart?

A couple days ago, I took it upon myself to investigate the Kabbalah Centre in Houston by attending their free Introduction to Kabbalah class. I even snuck a picture with my camera phone. (I don’t know if that is against the rules - but if felt forbidden.)

Okay, here’s the scoop! The meeting was really a whole lot of nothing. It touched on things in only the broadest sense. The instructor talked of the “ten” dimensions - explained that we live in the three dimensional world and are affected by the fourth dimension (time) so why wouldn’t the other six dimensions affect us as well? The theory is that the study of Kabbalah opens up our ability to affect things in our lives through access to these other dimensions - even if that access is simply an understanding that they exist.

I was a little put off by her defensiveness when it came to Q&A. She opened the session by saying that she will handle questions at the end and that we could then ask things like, “Why a $26 piece of string?” When the Q&A got off to a slow start, I chimed in, “Okay, so WHY the $26 piece of string?” She reacted like I was attacking her - it was her damn question! She responded with, “Well, why do people pay $50 for a cross to hang around their neck?” I got the feeling she planted that question just so she could pounce out with her response.

After some evasiveness over whether the string was a reminder to follow Kabbalah, a symbol of a person’s devotion to the belief, or a weapon to ward off the “evil eye” as is purported by many of the red string vendors in Ebay, I was told in much nicer language that I am too dumb to understand. In fact, that seemed to be the response to most questions… sure, it wasn’t put so rudely, but the fact that we needed to “continue our study of Kabbalah” seemed to be the main theme of the meeting. It was never mentioned in the meeting, but the continued study of Kabbalah is pretty damn expensive.

They hold meetings on every subject under the sun from Face Reading ($150) and Parenthood ($150) to the Power of Kabbalah ($270.) I don’t know - but one of the few bible verses I have memorized is:

“Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the
oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for
filthy lucre, but of a ready mind;”
1 Peter 5:2, KJV

To me, it has always meant that you should spread the word because it is the right thing to do - not for the bucks. I’ve never heard any reference to Jesus charging for the Sermon on the Mount?

Do I think Kabbalah is a bunch of bull? Nope. Do I think that this organization has some good? Yep. It just reinforces my belief that the more organized any religous organization becomes, the more likely that greed will slip into the equation until ultimately it overshadows all. Do I think the Kabbalah warrants more study? Of course. Do I plan on using the Kabbalah Centre as my conduit for enlightment? Not a chance. I will do my own research and keep my money for something other than a piece of red string.

A report on 20/20 the other night made me realize that I know very little about the modern Kabbalah movement. As is my typical modus operandi when I find something that I know little about, I investigate. This new Kabbalah movement appears to be much different than the traditional study.

Kabbalah has been studied for thousands of years by learned Jewish elders - but this latest movement takes it out of the back rooms of the synagogues and shares the “wisdom of Kabbalah” with women, gentiles and people of all ages. Movie stars, rock stars, and other high profile folks are spotted all the time with the signature red string tied around their wrists… what the heck does it all mean?

The 20/20 piece implied that the Berg family brought Kabbalah to the people in the incarnation of a money-making scheme. It comes across as a path to fame, fortune, and endless wealth - for the followers and the Bergs. Followers are given prayers geared toward whatever their hearts desire (often in Hebrew) and whether or not they can even read the prayers, they are told that simply studying the page will make those dreams come true. One thing for sure is that the Berg’s dreams are coming true.

So where is all this babble headed? I am going to the Kabbalah center tonight to investigate… there is an introduction to Kabbalah seminar every Tuesday - I’ll let you know how it goes!

I watched The Passion of the Christ with Pennie tonight and was underwhelmed. Now, before people send me hatemail about my take on the film - I am reviewing it as a film. This is not a condemnation of Christianity. If you cannot separate the two - do not read on. First off, I thought the blood was WAAAAAAY overdone. I know, I know - Mel had to show the gravity of the situation and he had to stress the inhuman suffering that Christ endured…. but come on, Jason Voorhees couldn’t have made it through that bloodletting. As a film, I thought it was way too simple. I know, I know - Mel had to follow the book - right? Yeah, but he could have done it with a little more skill. It was one series of biblical sound bite after another. Do you really have to show the soldiers casting lots? Could it not have been done with more skill and intelligence by making it occur in the background? Did he have to dumb the thing down so much?

Two disturbing things about the film: 1 - several times throughout the film there was a screen wipe accomplished by a cloth or robe moving in front of the camera. During wipe, a series of dots was on the screen flashing by almost subliminally.

* *
* *
* *

or

**
*

it was hard to catch exactly. What is that? Some sort of hidden message? Is it a masonic symbol? I will search the net, but I am intrigued by this.

2 - I forgot the other one

RATING 6 out of 10