Riding with the window down…

I am actually embarrassed to admit that I sat down to watch Dance Flick. I never got into any of the silly teen dance films, so what made me think that I would like one of those ridiculous parodies about the same subject?

Unlike Scary Movie and a couple of the other parodies that were actually funny, Dance Flick totally blew. Not just “lame movie” blew, but a whole new level of blowage (I think I just made up a word.) I literally made it six minutes into this film before I had to turn it off and walk away. It was that bad. It earns my first ever rating of 0 stars - that’s right… not just a 1 star - this was just that bad.

RATING 0 out of 10
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I felt a bit better after rushing to put Dance Flick back in the Netflix envelope and starting the next DVD - The Assassination of High School President. In a word, this film was smart. I totally got into this quirky little story - a story that actually forced you to pay attention and think.

Nick Blaemire, who played the lead character Byron Funke, turned in a very good performance in this - his only film appearance. I was also pleasantly surprised to see Bruce Willis show up as the very intense school principal.

It’s hard to describe the film without giving plot elements away, but rest assured, it is a good film. It will probably go over the heads of many viewers more interested in teen hi jinx than a high school film noir mystery, but if you can get past that, it is worth watching.

RATING 8 out of 10

Dawn and I went to see Valentine’s Day on… uh, yeah - you guessed it - Valentine’s Day. My overall view of the film was good (for a chick flick.) It had some good comedy, some sappy romance, and even a cameo by Director, Garry Marshall.

Okay, naming a cameo by Marshall as one of the top things is a little harsh, I mean - it was fun. I think Dawn said it best when she mentioned she liked it better when it was called He’s Just Not That Into You. Seriously, both of them had a cast chock full of stars - each of their stories were intertwined - some turned out devastatingly bad, others turned out amazingly well.

The main thing that annoyed me about the film was the sheer number of long-haired, skinny brunettes. I couldn’t tell them apart! Trying to keep a story as intertwined as this one straight when four of the leads look so much alike was tough.

So overall, there is nothing great about the film - but nothing bad either. The fact that a couple can watch it and both walk out without being pissed is a big plus. Great date movie. Geez, it’s almost as if it was planned that way.

RATING 6 out of 10

Now if you want great family fare - Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief is the movie for you! It has something for everyone.

First off, who doesn’t like a good adventure film? Uh, nobody! I was really not expecting much more than a quick flick created to take advantage of a popular book series (can anyone say New Moon?) This film stands by itself even if you have no association or interest in the Percy Jackson book series. The writing is good, the acting is above par, and the special effects are very solid.

I loved the fact that Kevin McKidd appeared as Poseidon and Pierce Brosnan did a great job as Chiron. Logan Lerman made the transition to leading man very well as Percy Jackson and should do a fine job in the sure-to-come sequels.

If you enjoy mythology, this is a cornucopia of fun characters with lots of fast-paced action and witty banter to keep you entertained throughout. This may even be worth a second viewing.

RATING 8 out of 10

There are two seasons where you can usually count on seeing a good movie or two - the Summer blockbusters and the Christmas blockbusters. This Christmas season has provided me with two good movie outings. Both of them made me skeptical at first, but in the end, both delivered solid entertainment.

First up was Avatar - the nearly HALF A BILLION DOLLAR blockbuster by James Cameron. Visually, this film was amazing. This is another notch in Cameron’s bankability belt - when his name is on it - you’re looking at a hit. Even lame films like the last Terminator do well - because Cameron is associated with it. (Interestingly, Sam Worthington - who played the lead, Jake Sully was also in the last Terminator and will be in the remake of Clash of the Titans, he has action hero star written all over him.)

This film really had little to do with Cameron or Worthington… it was all about the CGI and in that respect, it ROCKED! Sure, the storyline was weak and a very transparent political/social commentary. Sure, the characters were as stereotypical as anything to come out of Hollywood. But visually, Avatar made you overlook all the flaws.

It was slow in the opening third of the film and predictable throughout, but you just couldn’t take your eyes off the screen. I would watch it again just for the visuals.

RATING 7 out of 10

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Next was Guy Ritchie’s interpretation of Sherlock Holmes as portrayed by Robert Downey Jr. Now you have to understand that there is likely no more important fictional character in my life than Sherlock Holmes. I have always loved Holmes, and I have seen every single incarnation available. For that reason, I was extremely nervous seeing the previews for this film as it looked to be nothing like the legend created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Downey was nothing like the Basil Rathbone or Jeremy Brett Holmes (my favorite) but not nearly as quirky as the trailers made it appear.

Yeah, he did a serviceable interpretation, but in the end, there was too much Robert Downey Jr. in the character. He was no different than he was in Iron Man - no different than he was in The Pickup Artist - no different than he has been in ALL of his roles. Face it - Downey has no range. Don’t get me wrong, I am a big fan of RDJ and I think he may have a role that he could continue for years in Holmes. This is a great character for him to play because Holmes is so cocksure, smart, and witty. The fact that so many older people have played the character successfully leads me to think that he could be doing remakes for a couple more decades without missing a beat. This is one instance when typecasting is a good fit.

Because Holmes has been such an important literary figure in my life, I am sure that I will see each and every incarnation of the famed sleuth of 221B Baker Street, and although I will be skeptical, I will give them a fair shake. Robert Downey Jr. I can get used to - Jude Law as Watson I can get used to - Rachel McAdams as his tough-as-nails female foil, uh, I guess - Guy Ritchie, MTV-generation fight sequences in a period piece like this…. that may be a little tougher.

RATING 8 out of 10

There are a few things that put a guy instantly on guard when it comes to choosing a film to watch. First and foremost - is Sandra Bullock playing the lead? This is usually a sure sign that you are in for a romantic comedy complete with sappy love story and comic pratfalls. From the opening sequence of The Blind Side, I knew I was going to like this movie. It not only started off a “guy” film, but despite turning into a very touching story AND including Sandra Bullock - it kept the guys interested throughout.

Along we way, it delivered lots of fun football action, some great comedy, and good performances by Tim McGraw and Quinton Aaron. This has to be the perfect “date night” film. It had just enough Sandra Bullock and heartfelt emotion to keep the womenfolk happy and just enough football and smart @ss remarks to keep the guys entertained.

This is easily one of the top movies I have seen in 2009. When I discovered that it was based on a true story, it made The Blind Side all that much better. See it with a date and you will both walk away feeling better - or see it by yourself. Whatever you decide, just see this movie.

RATING 9 out of 10

I was warned not to make fun of The Twilight Saga: New Moon because I would be sucked into seeing it just to spite me - well, I did and I did. Not only was New Moon one of the worst excuses for a movie I have seen in ages, it probably felt worse because I knew going it that it would “suck monkey balls.”

I am sure at this point that I have already alienated a large number of my readers that are devoted fans of the campy, tween romance novels, but I have to risk that and tell what I feel. Sure, I may have liked it more had I read the novels (and I use the term loosely.) Sure, I may have like it more had I seen the previous film (another generous description.) Sure, I may have liked it had I taken a blow to the head from a heavy object followed by an IV drip of estrogen… but, should you have to do that to like a film?

Not only did it feel like my eyes were being stabbed with a thousand cute daggers, but I could actually feel the brain cells dying at the horrible dialogue, pedestrian acting, campy special effects, and a story more transparent than air on a clear day. This movie actually hurt to watch. The only thing that kept this from rating 1 star, were the scenes involving the werewolves.

If you are a teenage girl - enjoy… if you are not - well, be warned.

RATING 2 out of 10

I went to see 2012 because New Moon was sold out and although I give Dawn a hard time about not wanting to see the vampire flick, I think it will actually be pretty decent. I was happy to take in 2012 though because I have wanted to see it ever since I took in the previews.

My expectation was that it would be an amazing film in terms of special effects, have a pretty lame story, and have the science dumbed down for the masses. True on all counts! The special effects were amazing - from the city streets buckling to the Yellowstone caldera exploding, they did an excellent job on the visuals. The storyline was as lame as expected, but John Cusack did his usual fine job of taking a subpar script and adding humanity.

See it for the visuals -see it for John Cusack’s frenetic comedy - forgive it for one too many narrow escapes - forgive it for the junk science and you will be entertained.

RATING 6 out of 10

Okay - so I’ve never been a big fan of Angelina Jolie. Sure, she’s not hard to look at. Sure, she has some amazing… uh, assets. I finally saw the movie that took her personal quest and made it visual - Beyond Borders.

Okay, I admit it. I started writing this review about fifteen minutes into the movie. At that point, all I had seen was a solid scene by my man, Clive Owen and the setup for what looked to be a decent film. By the time I had gotten this far in my writing, I saw this flick turn into a heaping pile of poorly-written, over-acted, super-simplified, guilt-ridden garbage.

Now I see why she is joked about. The makeup on the African refugees was so over-the-top as to be insulting. Really, I commend her for adopting some children to rescue, but can’t help but think she could have done so much more by investing some time and money into a better script, better acting, better everything on this film. This is such a powerful medium for change and information that it could have done a lot to help the cause, but instead seems to preach to us about how uncaring we are while insulting our intelligence with every scene.

Okay, the film has its moments, and it certainly does make the point once you get past the poor film-making. Again, kudos to Jolie for trying to do something… just a weak effort.

RATING 5 out of 10

It seems that as things get settled into a more normal routine, I am remembering more and more films that I have seen and not reviewed. First off, let’s cover the most recent film I have seen first - Where the Wild Things Are.

I was struck by a few things with this film. First, I was intrigued by what a great job the filmmakers did with developing the characters of the actual monsters. Second, I was left wondering if I had forgotten a lot of the storyline from the book I had loved as a kid. I walked away a bit confused, but pleased with the experience. Had I rated it right then, it would have been several stars higher.

What happened since then was some conversation with others and the gradual realization that it wasn’t me forgetting the story, but Spike Jonze and Dave Eggers just creating an entirely new story out of whole cloth. I mean, I know it is hard to take a book that consists of only TEN SENTENCES and make it into a feature film, but while the film was good, it bugged me that they chose to turn one of my happy childhood memories into some dark and troubled story. Where was all the angst, sadness, and unhappiness in the book? It wasn’t there. The filmmakers could have take this and made it into something positive and fun for a whole new generation of kids, as well as their baby boomer/gen X parents - but instead, they turned it dark and sad.

That said, I love James Gandolfini as Carol, loved all the “wild things,” and Max Records did a great job of bringing the character Max to life.

RATING 7 out of 10

Alright, I don’t have anything against chick-flicks - they’ve just never been high on my list of must-watch genres. Seriously, give me a good action, sci-fi, comedy, period piece, you name it… I just never got into the whole gushy, weepy, love story genre.

That said, as you read the films I have had to sit through recently, you may be surprised that I actually liked some of them quite a bit.

I won’t go into a lot of detail about what has me watching so many of these sappy movies other than that the folks I have been hanging out with the past few weeks just love the stuff and although I managed to skip the majority of the ones played here, I did get sucked into a few.

Made of Honor is a film that I would not have been caught dead paying to see. You know what? I would have been right in that decision. Sure, it’s cute. Sure, it’s romantic. Sure, there are some scenes designed to melt hearts…. but come on… this is as schlocky as chick-flicks get. If this is your genre of choice - this is a sure winner for you. It is somewhere between stabbing myself in the eyes and waxing my chest in terms of enjoyment though.

Patrick Dempsey is fun to watch regardless of the hysteria over the whole McDreamy nonsense - I have like him since the 1989 film, Loverboy - great movie. I am also a big fan of Kevin McKidd (Rome, Journeyman) and I could watch Michelle Monaghan in anything.

As this kind of movie goes - it is a fun little diddy though… so keep in mind that it would rate higher if there was anything about chick flicks I like.

RATING 5 out of 10

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Geez, this is just painful. It seemed like it was going to a fun little exercise, but all I find myself doing is reliving all those lost hours sitting in front of the tube. Two Weeks Notice is a film that is sappy at best, and unfortunately, boring through and through.

Sandra Bullock delivers her standard performance in this poorly written 2002 romantic comedy. The problem with the poor writing is that the romance is cheesy and the comedy not even close to being funny. Adding Hugh Grant to the marquee should give you a mega-hit when combined with Bullock, but he is too weak to fight his way out of this script.

Instead of dropping this in the DVD player, drop it in the nearest trash can and your life will be 101 minutes richer.

RATING 2 out of 10

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The Proposal is a film I went to see at the theater and it was actually a lot of fun. Sandra Bullock is on some sort of resurgence in her career and it looks a little better this time around. It appears her skill as an actress has improved while her comic delivery and pratfalls are still spot-on. Ryan Reynolds delivered a very good performance in a role that is nothing like his action roles and takes his comedy to a new level - from sophomoric fart jokes to romantic comedy.

Overall, the film is funny albeit completely predictable. The combination of Reynolds and Bullock however, is solid box office gold.

RATING 8 out of 10

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He’s Just Not That Into You is a film that sets out to explain the mind of the dating/relationship male. It throws out a few stereotypes and tries to say that this is the sum total of men. As a man, it is a pretty insulting and shallow look at our gender. As a moviegoer, it is a pretty sad downer of a film. I just didn’t like it much.

The cast was great - I mean, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Connolly, Ben Afleck, Bradley Cooper, Drew Barrymore, Justin Long - you name it. We are talking an all-star cast. The acting was excellent, the script was good… heck, the only thing that was wrong with the film was that is was so negative.

What can I say? I like happy movies.

RATING 5 out of 10

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There have been a good half dozen more chick flicks I have had to sit through in the past couple months, but this is about all I can stomach blogging right now. If these type of films are up your alley, them by all means - enjoy and you can probably add three stars to each of the ratings to erase my bias.

I’ve fallen woefully behind in my movie reviews, so I’m not gonna waste any time - let’s jump right in.

Since this is going to be a very long post, I thought I would list the ones that I reviewed up front so you can decide which ones you want to read. They range from extremely recent, to quite old - with some oddball ones tossed in for good measure.

Up
Year One
Terminator Salvation
Taken
The Hangover
Stranger than Fiction
The Wrestler
Jeremiah Johnson
Eagle Eye

Up was a fun film. I have to admit, it wasn’t as good as I was expecting, and that’s just because so many people mentioned how much they loved it. Sure, it was a lot of fun. Sure, the humor was good enough to appeal to people of all ages. Sure, the animation was good. Sure, it had some great dog-related scenes/content. But you know what? It was just not that amazing.

As you can see from my rating, I liked it alot - I was just disappointed that it wasn’t as great as I had heard. The characters were a lot of fun and aside from the very sad story about the old man and his love, I dug almost every part of the film. Expect it to be a really good film - just not one of your all-time favs.

RATING 7 out of 10

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Terminator Salvation is so bad, I am not going to even invest the time required to find a picture to post with this review. This film is bad beyond description.

Christian Bale phone it in, McG (director) should go back to shooting lame music videos - he is a no-talent hack. The story and dialogue read like they were penned by 2nd grader - and I’m talking about the 2nd graders that ride the short bus and lick the windows on the way to school. This is quite possibly the worst movie I have seen in decades. Heck, I have already wasted too much time writing about it…. ugh!

RATING 2 out of 10

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The film Taken scores better marks with me than it should for a couple reasons. 1) I have always been a very big fan of Liam Neeson (with the exception of the Star Wars garbage.) 2) It featured a lot of great action scenes - hand-to-hand combat in particular, and 3) even though she doesn’t get much screen time - Maggie Grace is nice to look at.

Sure, it comes across as way over-the-top, but when done with a believable setting and backed up by a superb actor capable of selling it, it works. Not only will the action and intensity keep you interested, but the emotional tugs provided by a father trying desperately to save his daughter will win over anyone with a heart.

RATING 7 out of 10

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The Hangover was a funny little Vegas romp that I expected to be mildly amusing. Anyone who has been to a good bachelor party knows that these are stories you will tell the rest of your life. (Manny)

The interesting twist in The Hangover is that the narrative is about trying to remember what happened rather than just being a fly on the wall as the hi jinx ensued. Told in this way, the film is probably funnier than it would have been with the traditional formula.

Sure, it is sophomoric. It is absolutely juvenile and appeals the lowest common denominator. But lets face it - sometimes that is fun! The Three Stooges made careers out of going for the cheap laugh. Director Todd Phillips has made a career out of this kind of movie - Old School, Road Trip, etc. and he scored again with this one.

Don’t take your girlfriend’s parents to it, if you are trying to be seen as an intellectual. Don’t take your mom to it, unless she enjoys some good fart jokes. Don’t take your kids to it - period. But, if you want to go see a funny film with some friends that won’t bat an eye at crude jokes, crude language, and generally illegal treatment of a baby - this is your film.

RATING 8 out of 10

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Sorry, I got tired of blogging - I promise to write up reviews of the other four I listed when I get some time.