Riding with the window down…

Let me preface this by saying, I am the most flirtatious and charming guy you will ever meet. I don’t say that to brag, but to explain my nature. I have been a flirt since I was a small boy - it is my nature. I aim to be charming with everyone - from a hottie walking down the street, to the freakin’ mailman. It doesn’t matter if the person is 8 or 80, I enjoy making people smile and laugh and take joy from the positive feedback I receive. This isn’t done to get someone in bed, or even start a relationship - it’s just to share in a little positivity.

I have had to sit back and evaluate this part of my personality in light of my new relationship. It adds an entirely new element to “my nature.” Now, I have to deal with feelings of guilt, jealousy, and more. Is it right for me to flirt with a member of the opposite sex? Is that something that can coincide with a healthy relationship? Will it cause fear and doubt in the mind of my spouse/girlfriend? Is it okay to flirt and be charming as long as the subject is someone that I would have no interest in (someone too old, too young, wrong sex, etc.) ?

Is it fair to the object of my flirtation? I have no doubt that my current relationship is “the one.” Should the fact that I am “off the market” make it cruel or mean of me to give false hope to someone else?

If I were single, would this change the answer to any of those things? If I am viewing all these flirtations as superficial, fun diversions - it that fair to the flirtees?

Or, is the act of flirtation innocent and something that should be enjoyed by all involved? How do you go about doing that yet still making it perfectly clear that it is just simple hi jinx and nothing more?

I am guessing that 1) flirting with others while in a relationship is something that should be curtailed whether you mean it innocently or not, 2) flirting with others while not involved is something that is fun, but you need to be careful to not mislead someone. What are your thoughts?

A very close friend and I were talking about the subject of “getting butterflies” from a relationship. We were discussing how it is common for those to go away after the initial excitement of a relationship wanes. It was my contention however, that they do not have to end.

Scientists have analyzed the “butterfly effect” (as it applies to relationships - not a butterfly flapping its wings on the other side of the world) and many write it off to nervousness and fear of the unknown from a new relationship. That certainly holds some merit. Everyone is a bit nervous at the start of something new. I think that it is MUCH more than that though.

I have seen people who have been in relationships for decades, and you can still see the physical change that comes over a spouse with the simplest of touches, or words from the other. Those same butterflies cause a wave of emotion as strong as any created at the onset of the coupling.

I’ve long been called overly-optimistic and even naive when it comes to happiness, but I see it every single day - even in my business life. Sure, when I start something new - a new venture, or project at work, there are butterflies of excitement. But you know what? Long after the new venture has passed into the “old hat” category, I still get that excitement at the prospect of a new day in that old venture. It works because I make DAMN sure to only choose to do business with people that I love to be around. If a relationship - business or romantic - is not an expression of honest, and committed efforts by all involved - you owe it to the people who count on you to cut it fast and keep pressing forward with the healthy partnerships.

A coworker stopped me the other day in fact, and simply asked, “Why are you so damn happy all the time?” Its because I do what I love and love what I do - that causes fresh excitement every single day.

Romantic relationships are no different. Be with who you love, and commit to love who you’re with - but make sure that you choose someone who can deliver the same. The butterflies will continue to flutter long after the body sags a bit and the wrinkles get more pronounced.