I seem to be having a stretch of watching really bad films lately. I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales when my mom suggested it. Like most women, she is a Johnny Depp fan.
Let me say that I never would have seen it had she not asked but I welcome any chance to do things with her. This marked the first movie she went to see since getting sick a year or so ago and for that I am grateful. For the record, her review was “It was confusing. I guess Johnny Depp needed some more money. I’m glad I saw it but it wasn’t anything special.”
I thought it was pretty sucky. Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow is seemingly even more over-the-top than previous incarnations and the use of hackneyed old jokes felt more like “oh this again?” than “yay, he’s back!”
I am so over the use of CGI to make old actors appear as their younger selves.
Even the visuals which have in recent years been the best part of this tired series were nothing new. Yes, the way Salazar’s hair seemed to appear as if flowing underwater was cool – but it is the same cool that was previously used. Now I’m not saying it has to be completely different and original every time, but a little tweaked would be nice.
It was good to see the cameos by Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom – even if it was done in a very cheesy way. Oh, and the cameo by Paul McCartney was interesting although it felt very much staged. (See the caption for my take on the CGI appearance of a young Johnny Depp.)
Yes, I know I am being a bit hard on this movie – as I have the franchise since the original. As much as I am a big fan of Johnny Depp in films like Finding Neverland and Donnie Brasco , his “I just want to show my range by taking every oddball role I can” just don’t interest me. In addition, it doesn’t show range as it leaves him typecast as the oddball.
By Chris Doelle
RATING 4 out of 10 
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