Worst Summer Blockbuster Season Ever

I didn’t expect much from Kong: Skull Island after that abomination that was the last one. (The Jack Black one – it was SOOOO bad I don’t even want to link to it.) I have to admit this one is better, but that doesn’t mean it is a good film.┬áThe fact that I read this was the 10th highest grossing film of 2017 is testament either to how bad a year it was for film or how easily the public is suckered into watching garbage.

It plays like an 80’s action film without Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Norris or even Van Damme. This one had John Goodman and Tom Hiddleston.… oooh.

Sorry, Hiddleston just doesn’t work as a grizzled veterans that is worth 5 times his normal fee because he is so good. He would seem more at home as a wise-cracking bellhop, or a sleazy voyeur… not a combat veteran. And how his hair remains perfect after crashing in a helicopter, hiking through the jungle and being tossed 30 feet in an explosion is as mysterious as why I kept watching.

John C. Reilly is the lone reason to watch this film. He makes the rest of the goofiness worthwhile.

The story line is straight out of the 80’s playbook. One last mission… nervous foreshadowing… an evil big goverment/military/business guy… a morality tale of environmental destruction.. a cute girl… rock soundtrack.. slo-mo panorama shots… horrible dialogue… and excellent visuals.

If this is what you want… you’ll be extremely happy. If you want something that makes sense – this is not your movie.

And hey, you may love Samuel L. Jackson, but every one of his characters is a mix of Jules, Nick Fury and What’s in Your Wallet. His stare down against Kong has to be the stupidest scene in a collection of stupid scenes.

Park your brain and enjoy the senseless story, average acting and powerfully dramatic explosions/crashes etc. Don’t ask why Kong fights an octopus or why a spider is nearly as tall as a water buffalo… just enjoy the CGI… remember, park your brain.

by Chris Doelle

RATING 5 out of 10
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