Wow…. just wow… and not in a good way.

Artemis Fowl is one of those books that I had heard mentioned but really had no clue about. Disney sold the movie as something special… as your next favorite film… as a wonderful tale of action, fantasy and fun. Not so much.

Yes, visually it was spot-on. Yes, the world-building seemed original and legit. Yes, DIsney spent a ton of money on it. But, it just didn’t add up to a good film.

The tagline for the film is:

Artemis Fowl is a 12-year-old genius and descendant of a long line of criminal masterminds. He soon finds himself in an epic battle against a race of powerful underground fairies who may be behind his father’s disappearance.

The truth is that this genius turned in a poor acting job from a poor script. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure that Ferdia Shaw is a good actor – this just wasn’t a good vehicle for his talent. The script was either edited down for political correctness and/or time or just lacked anything interesting from the start (I never read the books.) The casting of Josh Gad was particularly egregious – I just don’t buy the baby-faced jokester as the rugged Han-Solo-esque bad boy he was supposed to be. His throwaway “ad lib” comments were likely put in to add some brevity but frankly, the were Gad-awful.

I think I was most disturbed by Dame Judi Dench‘s manager. That person should find a new line of work thinking that this would be something worthy of putting on her resume. Both she and Colin Farrell were like bringing filet mignon to a hot dog roast – and not even the good ones. We are talking the 89 cent chicken franks.

I did find Lara McDonnell’s performance entertaining and the crown jewel of this otherwise forgettable film. Films like this will undoubtedly leave you again wondering why you paid for Disney+. I have yet to see the “+” anywhere in their offering.

by Chris Doelle

Rating 2 of 10